Now ‘Survivor’ has masseuses handing people drinks
We’re down to just five people. At least we got a spa day out of it.
This week on Survivor, Jon (the former Michigan State football player) was voted out due to trusting everyone on a show dedicated to deceiving other people. There are only five people left. So with a resounding SPARTY NO, let’s get down to business.
QUOTABLES & NOTABLES:
- Natalie, who is trying to backstab Jon and get him out ASAP, explained her way out of her treachery by lying and saying she accidentally voted for Alec because she misunderstood the plan. AND JON BOUGHT IT. Oh, Jon. I hope you finally become a certified sommelier.
- Jon gives up his spa day to Baylor and explains it with this:
- Keith has some hard times dealing with the gender expectations associated with a spa day. “It’s a girl thing, but as long as there’s food here, it’s a guy thing.” He does get excited when he sees a piece of bacon in his wrap, however.
He also enjoyed his shower:
KEITH UPDATE: Still great.
- Jon’s such a trusting goofball that he pumps his fist when he gets voted off and gives everyone a big dumb smile and says, “No hard feelings, guys. Nice move.” Peace out, goofball. May you learn not to trust everyone someday.
SURVIVOR DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE:
- “You will be tethered together. You will run through a tunnel of hay. You will fetch a pail of water, then carry that water over a giant teeter-totter. You will pour that water in a bucket, which will open a gate. You will then solve a puzzle.” Just like the shipwrecked sailors of yore had to do. Robinson Crusoe was notoriously bad at the teeter-totter.
- Missy twists her ankle very badly on the physical challenge and it swells up while she’s at the spa. So she has to get checked out by the medical guy, which happens after a long discussion with everyone and the Jeff Probst turns slightly to one side and nonchalantly says, “Medical,” and then their medic ambles over. I like to imagine that he’s always waiting just off-camera, waiting to be summoned by Jeff Probst. It’s illegal to give anyone medical attention unless Jeff Probst says so. Remember that, everyone.
The medic can’t be sure she has a fracture without an X-ray. He says, “To do an X-ray, I’d have to pull Missy from the game.” Is that a rule? OUTWIT. OUTLAST. NO X-RAYS.
- I’ve talked a lot about Probst’s insufferable running commentary during physical challenges. During the Immunity Challenge, he straight-up hollers, “YOU CANNOT LOSE YOUR CONCENTRATION IN THIS CHALLENGE.” Then maybe shut up for five seconds, Jeff.