Monday Night Fitness is the Saints-Bears drinking game for your body
It’s that time again! We’ll whip you into shape WHILE you watch football.
Monday is the day you’re supposed to hit the gym. Gotta work off all those wings and pints of beer, right? Yeah, yeah, but you gotta work all day and then there’s FOOTBALL at night again! Well, we’ve got the solution: get fit WHILE you watch football. With the ultra-predictable Monday Night Football broadcast, it should be a breeze!
It’s real simple. Think of it like a drinking game, but with more sweating (or less, depending on your drinking regimen). Something on the list happens, you do the appropriate exercise. Got it? Get to it.
Here are your Monday Night Fitness assignments for Saints at Bears on Monday night:
|EVERY TIME:||DO THIS:|
|They mention how cold it is in Chicago||20 crunches|
|Stock footage of Wrigley Field||5 minute plank|
|Jay Cutler is shown smoking a cigarette on the sideline||Run a marathon|
|An NFL owner is terrible at high-fives||20 lunges|
|ESPN shows aerial view of the stadium||20 squats|
|“The Windy City!”||25 squats|
|You hear “I WAS BOOORN FREEEE”||20 crunches|
|The announcers discuss the Bears’ abysmal season||20 jumping jacks|
|“Drew Brees just knows how to win!”||10 pushups|
|ESPN shows any Bears fan literally dressed like a bear||2 laps around your block|
|ESPN shows any footage of stadium food||15 pushups|
|ESPN cuts to a cute kid in the crowd||10 second plank|
|SHIRTLESS BEARS FANS||15 squats|
|That stupid “fans singing” NFL app commercial comes on||20 lunges|
|Cameras find a fan with a sign using the letters “ESPN” in a clever way||20 bicep curls with a canned good|
|The announcers talk about Mike Ditka in reverent tones||15 second side plank|
|Announcer unironically says “DAAA BEARS”||10 handstand pushups|
|Earnest discussion of deep dish vs. thin crust pizza||Finish watching on treadmill|
|ESPN cuts to cheerleaders forcing smiles||20 crunches|
|Jon Gruden doesn’t know what a common word means||20 burpees|
We believe in you. Feel the burn.