Maybe the Falcons and Saints can both lose: A Madden simulation
Sunday, the 6-8 Saints and 5-8 Falcons will play in a game that may well determine who wins the NFC South. Neither team deserves this. So Ryan Nanni and Jon Bois fired up Madden, coached these teams, and tried to run them into the ground.
We’re playing Madden NFL 15. Ryan Nanni is coaching the New Orleans Saints. Jon Bois is coaching the Atlanta Falcons. Both of us are trying to lose, although we’re employing different losing strategies:
- Ryan has actually printed out a script of 70 offensive plays to blindly run in consecutive order. He literally printed out the list of plays on actual sheets of paper with a real printer, because he lives in the year 1996.
- Jon is calling plays from his gut, and is utilizing audibles to their worstmost potential. Among other things, he will drop all 11 players, including the defensive line, into man coverage. They will all cover the same man.
We’ve edited the results down to 13 of the worst minutes. As we play, we stumble upon a number of epiphanies, such as:
- Falcons coach Mike Smith refrigerates his table salt!
- Falcons coach Mike Smith saves the crust from his pizza and wears it as a belt!
- GL Man is either a goal-line formation play or a reclusive author everyone pretends to have read!
- Sean Hannity is a Tolkien villain!
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