Let’s trade Rajon Rondo, starring Salvador Dalí and Gustav Klimt

Artists of the Trade Machine, assemble!

Rajon Rondo is on the trading block, you say? Time to dial up the Artists of the Trade Machine to get some truly masterful options on the table.

First up, Salvador Dalí.

Rondo Dali

How surreal would it be for a career Celtic to don the Forum Blue and Gold? Plus we could finally get Esquire or FX to run a season or two of Assholes Having Breakfast, or we could get Rondo and Kobe signed up for True Detective Season 3, or Rondo could play Heather Graham’s role in a Boogie Nights reboot. It’s Rondo in Hollywood. There’s a lot of potential here.

Next up: Gustav Klimt.

Rondo Klimt

Klimt’s work was often accused of being pornographic. If you add a passer the caliber of Rondo to the incredible Mavericks offense, you might get that NC-17 rating on your games. Can you imagine how beautiful a Rondo-Monta-Parsons-Dirk-Tyson unit would be? My heart is pounding just considering it.

Let’s call up Jackson Pollock.

Rondo Pollock

Pollock is all about that action, and this trade idea sure is messy. The Kings send out five players, headlined by Nik Stauskas, to land noted jazz enthusiasts Rondo and Josh Smith. With Rondo, Smith and DeMarcus Cousins plus Ty Corbin on the sidelines, the Kings’ offense now resembles a Pollock painting. (Even more than the current offense.) Mission accomplished.

And finally, while it’s well established that Bill Simmons is the official Picasso of the Trade Machine, let’s assess what the actual Pablo Picasso would do here: he’d deconstruct Rondo into his parts and reassemble him in Boston.

Rondo Picasso

Rondo is a brilliant passer (Ridnour) who cannot shoot (Payton). I am also assuming that either Ridnour or Payton has an affinity for Connect Four.

Let’s hear your ideas in the comments.

December 18, 2014 by : Posted in Uncategorized No Comments

Leave a Reply