All 38 college football bowl games are good!
There are 38 bowl games, plus a national championship game! They’re all good!
New Orleans Bowl: UL-Lafayette vs. Nevada
“It’s 11 a.m. I’m not from Louisiana or Nevada. Why would I watch the second-place team from the Sun Belt play the third-place team from the Mountain West’s West Division?”
— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 6, 2014
“OH YEAH I FORGOT. AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON THE PLANET AND IT HAS COLLEGE FOOTBALL.”
New Mexico Bowl: UTEP vs. Utah State
The 2012 New Mexico Bowl was a 49-48 win for Arizona. The 2013 New Mexico Bowl was a 48-45 Colorado State win. By signing up to go to the Breaking Bowl, you promise to muster an offense capable of scoring 40 points and a defense capable of allowing 40. It’ll be a stretch for the Miners and Aggies, who each only hit 40 twice, but their names are on the contract.
Las Vegas Bowl: Colorado State vs. Utah
WHERE DO YOU SEND SOMEONE WHO JUST MADE $7 MILLION FOR DOING NOTHING
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Western Michigan vs. Air Force
ON A FIELD THAT GEESE THINK IS A LAKE:
— SB Nation (@SBNation) November 22, 2014
AND THERE’S GONNA BE A DANCING POTATO
Camellia Bowl: Bowling Green vs. South Alabama
I’m just trying to be nice about sports, and y’all are here tryna get me to say there’s a good reason to watch the Camellia Bowl between Bowling Green and South Alabama.
Miami Beach Bowl: BYU vs. Memphis
This year’s award-winner for Least Congruous Bowl matchup is BYU’s fanbase and Miami.
Boca Raton Bowl.: NIU vs. Marshall
I think of this as like a non-power conference national championship. NIU and Marshall were both miles better than any teams in their conferences for the majority of their seasons. The Thundering Herd’s only conference loss was a 67-66 overtime upset against Western Kentucky. The Huskies dropped a more difficult-to-understand 34-17 affair to Central Michigan. Other than that, they whooped ass. There wasn’t room for these guys in the big bowls — Boise State took the non-power slot — but they deserved more love than they got.
Poinsettia Bowl: San Diego State vs. Navy
How can you not watch a thrilling rematch of the 2010 Poinsettia Bowl, a 35-14 Aztec win?
Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Central Michigan
BIG RED IN THE BAHAMAS WITH FRIED CHICKEN
Hawai’i Bowl: Rice vs. Fresno State
If you just like thinking about how life is meaningless, watch a 6-7 team play a 7-5 team in the former Pro Bowl stadium in one of the most expensive places to travel on earth.
Heart of Dallas Bowl: Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech
The Illini might be the most Happy To Be Here bowl team, as their first appearance under Tim Beckman comes after finishing the season with a pair of wins to reach eligibility. And Louisiana Tech put up 55, 59, and 76 points in wins.
Quick Lane Bowl: North Carolina vs. Rutgers
In 2013, the Lions announced they would be creating a bowl in Detroit, which caused the currently existing Little Caesars Pizza Bowl between the MAC and the eighth-place Big Ten team to be out of luck. This is what our Jason Kirk wrote at the time:
“College football fans will suddenly pretend to have really loved the Little Caesars sponsorship all along, even though none of them actually enjoy the company’s products.”
WE MISS YOU LIL CEASE! PIZZA PIZZA! THIS GAME JUST AIN’T THE SAME WITHOUT ANTHROPOMORPHIC CRAZY BREAD
We can all get Hot N Ready’s in protest. Plus, this is the most evenly matched game, per F/+.
Bitcoin Bowl: UCF vs. NC State
— Dan McQuade (@dhm) June 18, 2014
Military Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech
Remember that when the Hokies take the field, everything is worth celebrating:
State of the program: pic.twitter.com/TXwPgfB8UR
— Josh Parcell (@JoshParcell) November 22, 2014
Sun Bowl: Duke vs. Arizona State
BLUE VS. SUN: WHICH DEVIL WILL WIN?
Independence Bowl: South Carolina vs. Miami
Hello! Here is everything Hatin’ Ass-Spurrier has said about Miami this year:
- Lookin’ forward to spending some time with Al Golden and comparin’ notes about getting paid to lose in an NFL stadium.
- Blowing that lead had to hurt. But if there’s anything Miami locals can sympathize with, Al, it’s getting something repossessed in public.
- Least Miami can screw things up for the rest of the country outside of a presidential election year.
- Miami beat Duke, but the real winner when these two meet is unprosecuted white-collar crime as a profession.
- Now Miami-Georgia Tech’s gonna be like global warming: coastal implications that we’re all just happy to ignore.
- Can’t spell “no touchdowns in the second half” without the U.
- You’re a fool if you didn’t have Miami losing to math’s team by at least eleven.
- Y’ever notice that Miami and boxing have the same historical trajectory?
Pinstripe Bowl: Boston College vs. Penn State
Sometimes bowl games don’t know their roles. In its five years of existence, the Pinstripe Bowl has hosted Kansas State, West Virginia, and Iowa State. In New York, for a college football game. At last, this is the most Northeasterly bowl matchup I can imagine. (UConn not included, for reality purposes.)
Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. USC
What happens if Nebraska wins 10 games in a season after it fired its coach for not winning 10 games? Does he get retroactively re-hired? I truly and deeply hope so.
Liberty Bowl: West Virginia vs. Texas A&M
This should be an alright game that somehow only features one Big 12 team. More importantly, here is the West Virginia Mountaineer wearing Rev as a hat:
Russell Athletic Bowl: Clemson vs. Oklahoma
Texas Bowl: Texas vs. Arkansas
Is this the best bowl matchup of 6-6 teams ever? An Arkansas team that had two dominant wins in the SEC West and a Texas team in Texas? Winner gets Texarkana.
Music City Bowl: Notre Dame vs. LSU
The Misery Bowl is one of the finest moments of every college football season, when two teams and fanbases with no desire to be there trot through the motions, and we get to watch the indifference. This is this year’s! Notre Dame was ranked No. 17 at the beginning of the year. LSU was No. 13. Now neither is ranked.
Belk Bowl: Louisville vs. Georgia
BELK BELK BELK BELK BELK BELK
If you know one thing about the College Football Internet, it’s that Belk Day is our national holiday. Everything stops. We all just stand around, log onto Twitter, and yell BELK BELK BELK into the abyss.
Well, dammit, this is the best BELK of all time. In the three years since BELK became a thing, the games have featured 6-6 UNC beating Cincinnati, Hey Our Coach Just Left Cincinnati beating 6-6 Duke, and 7-5 Louisville playing 7-5 NC State in a now-conference rivalry that wasn’t at the time.
Foster Farms Bowl: Maryland vs. Stanford
America’s saddest mascot:
Let’s check in and see how the day has gone for Maryland: pic.twitter.com/viauY2baYL
— Ryan Stites (@Brocktoon23) October 25, 2014
vs. America’s happiest mascot:
Peach Bowl: TCU vs. Ole Miss
Can we talk about what relentless fire the non-Playoff New Year’s Six games are? I mean, yo! TCU has the world’s largest Dorito on its shoulder after being told it couldn’t go to the Playoff, and it’s matched up with a squad from the hellfire of the SEC West. There will be points. There will be Dr. Bo. There will be souls up for grabs.
Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs. Arizona
Y’ALL LET EM BACK?!?!??
I know Boise State has Fiesta-ed since, but still. Also, an Arizona team is playing in this game for the first time in 20 years.
Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Mississippi State
IMPORTANT OPTION FOOTBALL gets a siren. It’s like getting to hang out with your grandpa when he was a teenager. Also, this is a chance for Mississippi State to end the year in which it was ranked No. 1 on a high note.
Outback Bowl: Auburn vs. Wisconsin
It’s our last chance to watch Melvin Gordon run against a college defense. He might just run off the field and keep going.
Cotton Bowl: Baylor vs. Michigan State
FIRE. FIRE. UNMITIGATED FIRE. THE HOTTEST FIRE IN WORLD HISTORY.
Citrus Bowl: Minnesota vs. Missouri
This decides it once and for all: Is the Big Ten better than the SEC East?
Rose Bowl semifinal: Oregon vs. Florida State
Do I really need to tell you why to watch the Playoff games? FSU will win by three to seven points, because it wins every game by three to seven points, no matter the opponent, importance, or location.
Sugar Bowl semifinal: Alabama vs. Ohio State
to tell you
the playoff games?
Armed Forces Bowl: Houston vs. Pitt
Whoever wins will actually be successful under their new coach.
Taxslayer Gator Bowl: Iowa vs. Tennessee
It’s the team that adopted Turn Down For What as its anthem and made Lil Jon murals vs. the team that is run by a person who has been eating gruel for the past two decades.
Alamo Bowl: Kansas State vs. UCLA
It’s a team that likes painting its faces like Braveheart vs. a team that has been run by a person who has worn windbreakers for the past three decades.
Cactus Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Washington
Bad news: These teams went 13-1 vs. unranked teams, but a dismal 1-9 against ranked teams. Good news: Neither of them are playing ranked teams! They’re both gonna win!
Birmingham Bowl: ECU vs. Florida
ECU is a passing menace, averaging 370 yards through the air per game and hanging 70 points on UNC. Florida is no longer coached by Will Muschamp, and therefore is now capable of immediately scoring 70 points.
GoDaddy Bowl: Toledo vs. Arkansas State
Watch in memoriam:
National championship game
WE HAVE A REAL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
MUCH LOVE AND WE ARE BLESSED.