21 painful puns about Marcus Mariota winning the 2014 Heisman Trophy

Marcus Mariota is your 2014 Heisman Trophy winner, beating out Wisconsin tailback Melvin Gordon III and Alabama wide receiver Amari Cooper in a landslide. With that, I have some final thoughts on the three finalists. These is critically important commentary.

[clears throat]

  1. If Marcus Mariota somehow lost the Heisman Trophy, we would all be wondering what the Duck is going on.
  2. That would have been a real heist, man.
  3. But Mariota wasn’t about to lose the Heisman. No way, no how-aii.
  4. Being the first Hawaiian to win the Heisman Trophy must be a great honor-lulu.
  5. We’re not here to write Mariota’s acceptance speech, but he-ota thank his family, coaches and teammates.
  6. The rest of the Pac-12 must be glad that they don’t have to face Mariota anymore and wonder if he’s about to sc-Oregon.
  7. Oregon spent the whole season as the leader of the Pac.
  8. Mariota really held that Oregon team together. If you don’t believe me, just check the Duck tape.
  9. Eugene-rally don’t see a quarterback that can blend speed and throwing ability the way Mariota does.
  10. If you were the Oregon coach, trying to figure out how to run that offense without Mariota, that would be bad for your Helf and well-being.
  11. It’s very difficult to learn the ins and Autzen of that offense so completely.
  12. Yes, having such a great QB in such a complex offense is a real Ducks-ury.
  13. When Marcus is in the mood for quality seafood, he always orders the calamari-ota.
  14. Melvin Gordon was a genius with the football this season. A real whiz-consin.
  15. Gordon was a distant runner-up for the Heisman, but that doesn’t mean his season was bad……..gers.
  16. Once Wisconsin couldn’t get the running game on track in the Big Ten title game, Melvin’s Heisman hopes were Gor-done.
  17. Wisconsin’s coach bolted for Oregon State right after that 59-0 loss. It sounds like Andersen wasn’t Gary fond of the job.
  18. If Amari declares for the NFL Draft, it’s hard to see how the Alabama passing game will re-Cooper-ate in 2015.
  19. It Sims hard to believe that a quarterback could lean on one receiver so much.
  20. The Heisman voting results are a disappointment, but Alabama fans should still have Amari Christmas.
  21. Cooper really shined in the Iron Bowl, when he Au-burned the Tiger secondary for 224 yards and three scores.
December 14, 2014 by : Posted in Uncategorized No Comments

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